broken bodies

So...yet another thing to worry about. Ever since last summer my wrists have been giving me a lot of trouble. Constant pain, aches, slight weakness, that sort of thing. Makes it difficult/impossible to do any sort of craft (which is killing me), holding open a book, carrying things in my hands, typing, writing, most anything. From the way the chiropractor talked about it, it was my fault for damaging my wrists from crocheting non-stop all spring semester and summer, which then means that I am a stubborn idiot who is the cause for her own pain. Same thing with my ankle. It's my fault for pushing myself even though I was in extreme pain.

I HAVE MYSELF AND ONLY MYSELF TO BLAME. (makes me despise myself more and more everyday)

Anyway...I'm worried about my wrists because it's probably very likely that I'm going to have to have surgery on them eventually...

I'm terrified of surgery, really. Especially on something as vital to me as my hands. I use those for nearly everything! What if something goes wrong? What bothers me even more, I guess, is that I hate not being able to do things because of being physical incapability. I can't run much, because of my asthma and my ankle. I can't crochet or create much at all anymore because of my wrists, nor am I able to spend as much time on my computer (ironic, isn't it?) because of the blasted wrists, which means less communication with my friends/whoever actually wants to talk to me. As it is, my left wrist is beginning to ache somewhat as I type this, and it will only get worse as time goes on.

I keep telling myself that I can't be falling apart like this! I'M ONLY 20 FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! I'm not old, am I? Or am I just so broken already that my body will start breaking down for the sake of it?

I'm just scared...